How strong are you emotionally? My friends are as strong as the Empire State Building is tall. Who am I hanging out with you wonder. These ladies see tomorrow as both a blessing and a curse yet they progress towards their goal of taking home a baby from the hospital. My friends have suffered through the losses of their unborn children. Their pregnancy is confirmed, and sometimes as soon as that same day they find out their hope has fallen to the ground like a cannon ball.
I wish there was a way for us to see the rush of hormones and chemicals that flood the body when a woman finds out she's pregnant. The excitement of success for a long awaited goal having been reached would just have to evident throughout her body. Her heart becomes more tender; her ego fades to the background; and she embodies her vision of what it means to be maternal. She no longer holds herself on a pedestal but instead her growing womb encompasses her number one. A pregnant woman starts planning immediately on how to face her fears and how to best maximize her joy. I'm not sure a man can relate to such an organic change like a woman can in this situation.
Then, through no fault of her own consciousness, she's delivered a telegram somehow, some way that her dream has just been popped. Her body isn't producing the right balance of hormones. How was she suppose to know?! Now she has to muddle through the despair that follows such sorrowful news. The doctors do not know why she continues to have miscarriages. Why is her body broken while others' are baby-making machines?! What did she get dealt this deck of cards?! She continues to research anything and everything that can possibly give her insight into the mysterious cause of a miscarriage. She wants to understand what her doctor is talking about, and have an engaging conversation with him about what she needs to do going forward.
Going forward. These women do not know how to shrivel up and quit. No. They are strong because they do everything in their power to achieve their dream of holding their child one day. Their world is a blur of numbers that give meaning to their journey. They mourn, and they make a special place in their heart for the life they created and envisioned cuddling with one day. They acknowledge that they need time to heal, and do so in their own way. Their journey comes with pent-up excitement for a positive and realistic unpleasant news with a sign of a cramp. Days turn into weeks, weeks into months, and months into years. My friends willing go through this cycle because they are strong.
You may have strong friends too, and you never knew the source of their strength. I am not as strong as my friends, but should I need to be, I know I have them close by.
I'm saddened too because I won't get to see the pictures that you post or the videos that you share. Now I won't have those adorable cheeks to want to pinch. I won't witness the proud smile you always wear while holding your baby. One day though, I will awe at your child in the pictures. One day I will laugh at your baby's uncanny sense of timing while being caught on camera. Not only will I tenderly nip at those cheeks, but I'll feel those little fingers wrap around one of mine. One day you'll get to introduce the world to your child, and it will be the moment that is keeping you strong today.
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